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Friday, February 04, 2011

Career Choices

Dumbledore (or rather Rawlings) said "It is our choices (Harry) that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities". He (or she) also called for one to do what is right instead of what is easy.

However, just like anything that can be solved by the money tt one has isn't a real problem, there are many situations when there is no clear right or wrong.

If you remember my entry Ode to a Job, I said I would not turn back after taking the final irreversible step to submit my resignation. From the day I submitted my resignation letter, my position never wavered despite the requests to reconsider. I knew the push factor and I knew the pull factors. The only thing that would make me turn back would be if my boss asked me to. If I was prepared to give up my life for her, hell, why not anything else.

However, I was faced with 1 of the toughest decisions I have had to make over the past few days when my CEO asked me to stay during my goodbye session with her. I was thanking her - how my beloved boss was a great boss only cos she herself had a good boss, and how this company has treated me so well over the past years which it really has. And then the conversation took a personal turn with an unexpected question she asked. She put her finger on something I knew but didn't wanna admit - that in my heart of hearts I wanted to stay.

Anyway, the long short is that she and my CFO offered to level out the push factor, and match the pull factors. But this wasn't why I ended up agonizing over whether to stay or go. If those were what I wanted - reporting directly to the CFO, a promotion and an increase in pay, I would have ensured that I met my CEO much earlier instead of 3 days before my last working day.

I agonized because my CFO asked if I would give the co another chance, if I would give my CEO a chance. I agonized because I wasn't done with the co as yet. I agonized because I did want to stay, more so with the push factor being leveled out - as most of us know, who we work for is of the utmost importance. And as I told the CFO, if I stayed I did not want the promotion or more pay. I would have been happy staying here without these but I cannot compromise on who I work for, de facto or de jure. While it is true (and that was what I said to both my CEO and CFO) that I do not think I am good enough to work for the CFO directly (in that she is used to that level of calm wisdom found in my beloved boss), I wouldn't have minded trying because if it didn't work, the option to move remains. And I would have moved with no regrets.

However as much as I wanted to stay, I just could not. I could not see myself informing the new company just one day before I was to start with them that I was not going over. More so because that company has behaved in a bona fides manner right from the moment they made an offer to me ie they did nothing to deserve having their candidate walk away at the last moment and wasting their time flying in for interviews, turning away other candidates etc.

My CFO said my decision was tough but simple - all I had to do was pick up the phone and let them know I wasn't going over. But as I said to her, because of my own limitations, I could not make myself do that. I have utmost respect for my CFO - she didn't become CFO of a listed company at age 35 without being who she is. And if she had been my boss all these years, perhaps I would have been able to make that call. Especially since my present company has evidenced its sincerity in its offer through its willingness to level the push and pull factors. But ultimately, I have been and am shaped by my beloved boss and my good colleague (although I disagree with his downwards management style.).

And after 3 days of pure torture and extreme stress which resulted in 1 of the worst CNYs ever (being ill-prepared and falling sick), I'm done. While I do not leave this company with peace in my heart, I am able to live with peace with myself.

1 comment:

The Slug said...

*sigh* *meow*