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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Completing the wedding mass book

Sometimes I marvel at how much can be done in so short a time. Right after work yesterday, I made my way to the hair salon my sister had recommended at Telok Ayer and emerged almost a hundred dollars poorer and looking pretty much, the same. The haircut took 5mins - really. My sister is well-meaning of course but I need to remember how different our lives are and that what works for her would not work for me or my pocket. Hah.

After the haircut, I walked to the nearby market to buy dinner for us. The first time in almost a year that I've bought dinner "home" to have with another person. To tell you the truth, while I joked later with my CEB that I felt like an Ah Soh buying dinner home, even this simple act of buying and having dinner with him at his house, had me a little freaked out because it was something new and a step forward on the intimacy scale.

While I am excited and very happy to be marrying my CEB, I am also very scared. From past experience, the 2 months before the wedding is when the panic sets in. Panic and irrational fear, not just pre-wedding jitters. Thinking about the wedding makes my hands and feet break out in cold sweat literally. However, my CEB has been able to keep me on the path to the altar with his love, humor, patience and friendship. He makes this whole process easier most times, and I think because I love him, seeing him happy and excited about us being together, in turn makes me happy and excited too. Positive reinforcement both ways :)

In fact, I would say my CEB has made me happy enough to do some parts of the wedding preparation by myself - like putting together our wedding mass book using templates from friends and the parish church priest. I didn't feel alone doing this by myself on a Sat afternoon when he was travelling. I didn't feel resentment when he later said he would just leave it all to me without even looking at the draft form.

I think it is because I have faith that my CEB loves me very much and he will not let me down. I believe he will participate whole heartedly so that the wedding mass to bless our marriage will be one of the precious memories that he and I will have many years later down the road. When my CEB is so generous in giving to me willingly my desire to have a church wedding despite our different religions, it makes me look at him with newfound respect and love him all the more.

Even though we both once agreed that a wedding was just a process, an event that should be gotten over and done with, for me, after the Engaged Encounter weekend and completing the wedding mass book, a wedding has become more than just that - It is a public declaration that we both have chosen each other out of all the people in this whole wide world to be with for the rest of our life. It is our taking an oath before (for me) God and all the people in our lives, that we will be united as one and committed to each other for better or for worse. It is the culmination of our journey together as a couple - a statement to each other and the world at large that we will be sharing our lives, the good and the bad parts, with each other, and to take the other into our life to honor and to cherish.

It is really, our chance to create and build something beautiful and lasting together. And I pray with all my heart that God will grant my CEB and I, the time and opportunity to be able to do just that.

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