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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Of melons

It is extremely hard to bade goodbye to someone we love, or once loved for that matter.

My CEB has just left for home and it is just me in the empty hotel room where we'd spent the past 2 nights (and days). I walked with him to where he was to board the coach and when it was time that I should go, I turned without looking back - and kept walking. Yes, that must be the way to leave - no long drawn out farewells or goodbye hugs or kisses for that makes the process even more difficult and unnecessarily painful.

I've known my CEB since Dec 07. I never expected or wanted to marry him. I don't think he ever wanted to marry me either. We were movie kakis, food buddies, nothing more. Why, I even got engaged to someone else, and he started a new relationship too with another person. When our family and friends asked us why we never considered each other, he would always say "no spark" and I would say, "no chemistry". Privately, I think what he meant was "too fat" and what I meant was "no feelings inspired/invoked". Face it - men are visual and women emotional right?

At the time we got together, we were definitely not each other's first choice. I am honestly, the consolation prize at the fun fair he wasn't even aiming for but ended up getting and settling for. (But of course, only when I was 9kg lighter and therefore good enough not to end up in the rubbish bin.) And he was there as a temp to fill the gap for me while I was waiting for the permanent staff to complete his notice period with his past employer and then join me.

But at the time I agreed to marry my CEB and I married my CEB, I had grown to love him. And from his actions, I had a sense that he had started to genuinely care for, if not grown somewhat affectionate of this consolation prize that he had never wanted in the first place. Like this morning:

My CEB (half asleep and for the first time ever) "The happiest thing in my life is to marry the (insert his unflatering pet name for me)"

I am not sure how happy he will be when I fly back home too in a couple of days. Getaways are always good for bonding but it is the day to day of living together that really makes or breaks a relationship. It is the day to day where the strength of our relationship will be tested, where we each are challenged to think for our partner's feelings and put his/her needs before our own. It is the day to day that we always take for-granted, that we push our partner to second place, that we let other "seemingly important" things eat into time we should be spending with our spouse.

Despite these challenges and difficulties of marriage life, my CEB and I do have some pretty good times together. Like the night before I was to travel again for this trip and I was determined to clear off the rest of the melons in the fridge.

Me "Time for fruits":
My CEB " Nooooo....." (Puts face in pillow)
Me "Asked you what fruits you eat, you said melon. Now buy and cut, and you don't want to eat?!"
My CEB "Nooooo....." (Pushes his face harder into the pillow)
Me (Loses all patience holding a fork out with a melon stuck at the end) "EAT!"

My CEB "You should eat...need to be healthy than won't drop hair"
Me "Yah, okay. Then you also should eat since you know"
My CEB (silently and proudly touches his botak head)
Me "!@!#@#@#@#"

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