Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

Sunday, October 28, 2012

17 months of marriage

I almost forgot. Or rather, I did forget till today, 2 days later. My CEB forgot too - we spent the 26th in JB. We had porridge for lunch at Tang Shifu followed by a movie Silent Hill 3D ( the 3D effects were amazing, the best we've seen for any 3D movie so far) and Pizza Hut for dinner. Yeah I know, Pizza Hut on our monthiversary - we would have gone some place fancier if we had remembered

Or maybe not given how of late everything I eat, or should I say, am able to eat ends up in the toilet. I need a new digestive tract - this one has been giving me pure hell. I thought the first 2 weeks of Oct were awful, and I thought things would get better but no, no such break. I am one self-absorbed bloated nauseous bag of misery.

I am barely functional most days. I lie in bed the entire day, praying for the sweet succor of sleep (and for as long as possible so I don't have to endure each awful waking moment), I leave letters unopened, emails (work included) abandoned, smses not read/answered and housework not done because I just don't feel well enough to. I just want to close my eyes and not be inhabiting my current body for the next months.

It's amazing that when you thought life couldn't get any worse, it does. It's even more amazing to me now how foolish I was to ascribe to the theory of mind over body, how it's all in the mind.

The mind does not make my mouth water with excessive saliva, or my stomach rumble with loud digestive noises, or have me running for the toilet bowl or plastic bags where I can dry retch or vomit in helplessly, regardless of time or place. The mind does not cause my stomach to constrict painfully if I try to bite off more than I can chew. The mind does not cause me to smell everything and everyone I come across (and some pp smell bad enough for me to hold my nose less i hurl).The mind does not make me gag uncontrollably when I think, just think of fresh food.

Where I used to like cooking, I hate the sight and smell of uncooked food. I feel nauseated by the thought, just the thought of raw veg or meat. And while I can still eat, it is not in the quantities I used to. Besides most of what goes down comes up unpleasantly and loudly.

So yes, in all my self-absorption at my pathetic current state, I did forget we have been married 17 months. And I really shouldn't (why else would I make the effort to type this entry on my iPhone5? Can't find energy to switch on laptop) because my CEB has been a gem of a husband.

Yes, a gem to a wife who does not perform any wifely duties but lies in bed like a beached whale. This wife stopped cooking, washing clothes or dishes , packing stuff, hanging clothes and ironing clothes. This wife can't cuddle like before or even make decent conversation over dinner, or be arsed to go out to the hall to watch tv together.

And my CEB has nobly picked up ALL the slack around the house without grumbling or a word of resentment/anger. I feel bad for him. And if my body would cooperate, I would do something about it.

But it isn't cooperating despite my best intents. And won't for the weeks to come. I am scouring the net for any remedy for this situation (which is as old as time), desperate enough to even look for solutions from other races, but it seems that what works for others isn't working for me. With all the technology out there, I am distressed someone hasn't invented that magical little pill that comes completely without side effects to save so many women from this horrible awful misery. And so I suffer without ability to seek solace in what I once did - food or thoughts of food that I would consume. So while I have pictures of food in the phone that I have tasted twice - going down and coming up - I can't blog about food. And since I can't travel much or fish in my current stage, I basically have nothing to write about that is remotely like what I used to. *shake head.

Please let this awful stage pass as quickly as possible. How did I underestimate the length of time!

My CEB really deserves better for I am no better than the sad stuffed creature he has aptly placed on my side of our king-sized bed. Let us hope by the time our 18th monthiversary rolls around, I haven't been replaced by Buaticus for good!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Absence and my CEB turns 3*

I didn't mean to neglect my blog but this is the first time in 2 weeks that I've actually had a laptop opened and running on my lap. Not by choice unfortunately, it wasn't the best 2 weeks I've had in my life, in fact, I'll say close to the worst I've experienced to date, but things are as they are. And I don't know if I can can find the energy to continue blogging as I used to given that I can barely crawl out of bed each morning or keep my eyes open for that matter. I hear things get better over time so I am hopeful but till then, I have to apologize for the lack of updates.

On another note, in a matter of hours, my CEB is going to be one year older and from the look of things (he's fixing his toy robots now), nothing very much has changed about him and I am perfectly happy for him to stay this way - Fuss-free, responsible and thus easy enough to love.

I am lucky to be married to a good man, and even luckier to be in love with my husband. Happy Birthday, my love, may you find true happiness and be blessed with good health and joy as you grow one more year older.