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Monday, April 08, 2013

Vomit fiesta

This is no way to live. I'm vomiting after every meal and in between meals too. Despite taking the meds to reduce the amount of acid in the tummy. That only helps with the heartburn and reduces the occurrence of explosive vomiting. But the vomiting is still going on. Mouthfuls of whatever I just ate, excess saliva and an empty wet taste in the mouth.

I have filled countless plastic bags of vomit already. When I am driving, when my CEB is driving, and now to avoid the horror of cleaning up after myself in the bedroom, I keep the dustbin by my side. I can't talk much cos of the constant belching and vomiting - if I am not fighting not to vomit, I am vomiting/have a mouthful of vomit Or am feeling dizzy and faint from having just vomited. There isn't a single good moment except when I am asleep. I'm not kidding. I am counting down to when this nightmare will end,

Oh, and I have developed stretch marks too. My belly is huge now and I despair at how I am ever going to look close to what I looked before ever again - floppy belly n saggy skin! I have also neglected so much while being in the trenches - no facials, no masks or night creams, no social life, nothing. I want my appetite back, my digestive system back, my life back, my identity back! Now I only have this much of energy to get key work done n prepare for the twins arrival, anything else is a bonus. Those days of cooking/travel/road trips - distant memories. Getting out of bed (without being compelled to due to the need to vomit/pee) IS a major accomplishment. I'm right where I begun 8 months ago - as sick and incapacitated as a dog.

The twins on the other hand seem to be thriving in there - Twin B is very active, pushing up against my ribs, squirming under the skin till the stretching actually hurts and when I lay on my right side which she really hates, she kicks very hard - like, thud, thud, THUD till I roll over. Or sometimes, there is a flurry of gentler but faster kicks from her to indicate that I need to shift position. Twin A's kicks seem to be directed towards the back, maybe cos of the placenta but she's a v gentle quiet baby who mostly wriggles and squirms. Thank goodness else I think the skin near my unmentionables would burst if she was anything like Twin B. I worry about Twin A sometimes when I don't feel her move but usually the next morning, the wriggling is back. My CEN and I wonder if their characters are going to be such when they are out.

We are glad that they have had each other for company in the womb, and hopefully when they are out in this large world.
When we wanted to conceive, I made a promise to them-who-had-yet-to-be... I told them that this world is a beautiful place and we would as parents, hold their hands to share with them the lovely experiences that life has to offer.

Hence, I really need my body back and functioning. This vomiting, fatigue, aches, insomnia...they are only bearable on a day to day and because of that promise. The fact that the end is in sight too gives me the will to go on, though it is day to day functionality. More than 3/4 of the way there, more than 80% in fact. Please let us make it to the finish line safely.

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