Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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Sunday, September 21, 2014

Sunday afternoons.

Sunday afternoons are best spent lazing in bed with my CEB. 

I find it amazing how he can fall asleep and continue sleeping even if I'm resting my head against his shoulder or holding hands! 

Love this cheese eating buaya of mine so v much. We will be married for 40 months in a few days time, not 40 years but still a celebration in its own right, just like every day we manage to be together is. Marriage is a real challenge, even when there are the most affectionate and tender feelings involved. But having those feelings make get sacrifices and challenges somehow easier to bear.

And since we have kids and taken a huge debt together, then we might as well make the most of what we have chosen, this path we have taken.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

15-16 months

I wonder sometimes whether the twins will know how v much I have loved them all these months.

Twin A above weighed in at 11.5kg (just below 97th percentile) and was 83cm (97th percentile) at the 15th month assessment while Twin B was 12.1kg and 82cm.

Twin A has superior motor skills and can close boxes and fix puzzles (identification of shapes and colors) as compared to Twin B who remains fascinated by the color blue and has little patience fixing puzzles. However Twin B has a vocabulary of more than 15 words and is able to say two syllabus words like apple and baby as will as colors black and red.

Temperament wise, Twin A has not improved and still cries at almost any opportunity. She also pats her chest to indicate her fear of things like escalators and has to be coaxed to try new things. She can walk well though without sitting/falling as compared to Twin B and delights in walking about in her shoes. 

Twin B remains a joyful cheeky and affectionate child who has a twinkle in her eye. She lays her head on my shoulder so v often and taps my chest to say mama when I carry her, I think she knows we love her beyond measure. She is able to contort her tongue and make all sorts of sounds that crack us up. She is the light of my life - when I look at her, I think "child of my heart".

I don't suppose my CEB was too pleased when I suggested that maybe why God brought us together was so we could have the twins. Hmmm.

It's not that I don't love my CEB. I do, but  it's diff from the love I have for the twins. I watch them grow, I am blessed to have a job that allows me so much time at home to watch them develop, to be there when they first say mama, when they first walk, when they learnt to kiss me. It's more than just affection, although I feel like biting their chubby little legs. It's like I was made to love them.

I can close my eyes each night and still hear twin B's sweet little voice. Is strange that her voice is sweetest when she says papa and not mama. But it's always to mama she totters when she wants something (esp something blue), and I cannot imagine a life without this child of my heart. I frequently think of her in my tummy - those days I was so sick, vomitting, her kicking, churning within. And now my baby is here with me. A woman's love for a child cannot be measured.

My CeB has been supportive and I try not to put him in a difficult position. Sometimes I want to tell him how things really are, but I can see each night he is exhausted from work and I don't want to add to his troubles. So I just manage the situation myself - I want to tell him what's wrong but then to use him as a sounding Board serves no purpose except to disrupt his peace of mind, He still invokes in me a sense of tenderness - falling asleep in my arms or like now, lying fast asleep with all the bandages I just used to dress his wounds. I can't bear to burden him any further,

Thursday, September 18, 2014


I have been writing a lot about our children but not very much about my CEB and our marriage.

Undeniably, our having children resulted in a lot more quarrels than we had before they arrived. And the quarrels were nastier than ever, sometimes where I feel that I want out, really want out. And in the days after, while seething, I would look at him and wonder how the hell I had gotten myself into this mess, wonder how I could have married this fella.

However, I love him. I love my CEB, my husband very much deep down despite him driving me up the wall some days. I love our nights cuddling together, I love him putting his arm around my waist, I love his unexpected "love you love you" which melts my heart. My CEB is so heartachingly sweet some times - not because of the words but because it's rare to hear his declaration of love and also, there's just this child like sincerity behind it. He melts my heart the way my twin B does. Like a couple of days ago, he hurt himself (nasty abrasions), and I was re-dressing his wounds when he said "thank you wife wife". I didn't expect any thanks because I was only doing what a wife should so hearing those words of appreciation touched me. 

So there are days I am ridden with guilt because I have said such nasty things to him when enraged. And he told me before in Peru not to say things to break his heart. And I still do. I know I hurt him deeply though he says nothing of it, but then weeks later, he says something which shows he remembered what I said. Ay, my poor CEB, I really really need to change and not fight so nasty. He lets me have my way for almost anything and I should try to protect his heart more. Afterall, we both are trying to grow old together. Well, at least that's the game plan. For now. 

I know he loves me from how he turns to me for cuddles, snuggles and the little things he does for me when I need him to although he is tired most weekdays. I know he loves me when he closes one eye and lets me have my way for almost anything. I know he loves me when he thinks for me and communicates with me. I don't know if I want to know more than what I know so I leave it alone and enjoy our love, our marriage, what we have.

He Is easy to love, my CEB. We have a good life together with our twins. Maybe he wasn't all that I wanted when I married him, but I have grown to love him so. And sometimes I just wish that even though I am sadly, regrettably, not what he wants, he might have grown to love me just that little more.