Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

Tuesday, May 03, 2016

Finally, I dream

So there we were again, you hitching your usual ride in my car and us going off to some place to eat. Me worrying about trivialities like the parking fees and you going on about your cancer. I miss you Lihwei. I woke up with the tatters of my dream about me, and I drove to work aching over the hole in my heart over your death. 

Parenting, Work, GameofThrones, Food...my moments are filled but you, you have been and are in the brief moments in between those moments. How is it possible that you have left this world? How is it possible I won't hear you over the phone again? How is it possible that we can never meet again this life, on this earth? You were so brilliant, so humorous, you said you loved to make me laugh and I often caught you looking at me with such happiness when you made me toss back my head and guffaw at your pun. Oh, your puns, your wit...we were made to make each other happy, to be best friends but never more. You said she could never get your jokes and the jokes were not funny because you had to explain them, and the other, while intellectually capable, never inspired you to make these.  You said you needed me for a mind-f+++ and I never minded that because that's what you were to me too. And nothing more. You had your needs satisfied (though you liked to deny) elsewhere and I had my means too. It was so wonderful, hanging out with you, it was happiness. There were no expectations and no pressure, unlike a romantic or sexual relationship.

You once flew to Hongkong to join me on my work trip - I had booked one of the cheapest hotels I could find in Kowloon and you were appalled. I wanted to travel only by train but you showed me that taxis were not that expensive either. My sandals broke and we went to Marks & Spencers to buy a new pair...we went to the Peak, walked up Soho, passed churches and just walked. Memories of a life before, a life I will never have again.

I miss you so much. You lifted me up.