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Thursday, August 18, 2016

Turning 37

In a matter of days, I turn 37 and I have a High Court Trial that day. Bah. And then I'll be on the wrong side of late 30s.

Fast. With work and children, the days go by relentlessly and sometimes, almost in a blur. The workweek is too short for work and the weekends are too short for family time. I don't know how else life can be slowed down to relish each moment...perhaps when I am in my 60s and that huge loan of ours is finally paid down. I'll like to spend my days fishing, reading, shopping and playing lots of video games.

E2 was sick for the last couple of weeks and been out of school. That's paying $700 for nothing. And I had to sleep on a couch in her hospital room which was uncomfortable and tiring. I came home to E1 being sick with a snotty nose and had to bring them to the doctor's. This experience reinforced my belief that my CEB and I are done with having children. I just can't physically nor financially manage another mouth, as much as I would like to have a baby in my arms and breathe in the smell that only a newborn can have.

E2 has toilet trained herself amazingly. She has not soiled her diaper in days. I'm left with a heap of diapers that I bought because I thought she needed them till she was 4. However, she toilet trained herself overnight with minimal intervention from me. All I did was have a chart with a reward system for each time they used the toilet or potty to do a dump but I expected them to still wet their diapers till they were much older but E2 has totally trained herself not to use diapers. Talk about unexpected surprises. E1 still wets her diapers but at least she doesn't soil her diapers like before so it is a lot less work to clean up and one of the parts of parenting I really dislike.

They now literally live for Universal Studios day. It also surprises me that instead of picking material items like bags, new clothes etc as her reward (on the potty chart), E2 prefers to pick experiences like indoor playground or going to USS. E1 on the other hand is determined to have pretty things like what her friends have like Frozen bags and nice shoes. The two of them couldn't be any more different!

But I digress. This post was supposed to be about me turning 37. I feel old and tired most days. Work keeps me going, when work is exciting that is. I feel like that I want the children to grow up quickly so I can pursue my career like I did when I was younger which is to put in many long hours, attend meetings and be fully committed instead of juggling between work and the children. I wake at 7 with them and change and feed them before we leave at 815-830. I drop them off then reach work at 915-930 then work through lunch and leave at 430 so I can pick them up at 515 before their school shuts at 530. After that I feed, bathe and do Kumon with them till 730. I usually then do more work in the night or do grocery shopping or just chill in bed with a book or surf net before sleeping at 11pm. That's a Slog's Life.

Those days of hedonistic pleasure, booking an air ticket and planning for the next trip...of sleeping till 9-10am in the mornings. Gone. I now understand why couples choose not to have children! But I could not NOT  have children. I really wanted kids (not twins), someone to love, snuggle and raise well to be a contributing successful member of society. My CEB didn't want kids so we compromised and we were handed E1 and E2 as a pair. I guess if I had E1 as my first child, I would be so totally done. If E2, I would have been too exhausted to have another but might still want another. So in a way, it's good how things are.

What do I want at age 37? Maybe stop driving My Precious. I mean she works fine and is in really decent shape but if I'm earning x amount a year, it would be nice to feel good walking to a car that I was proud of and getting in. Yet the horrendous mortgage prevents me from splurging so I'll drive My Precious to the end of 10 years which is coming up and probably beyond. I'll also like to keep my job and current life style until I turn 40 which is when they finally get registered for Pri 1.