Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I really miss

1) my long hair. I told my hairstylist I needed something easy to maintain as I had been spending at least Sgd12 every week since wk 10 of my pregnancy on wash and blow services at salons (I have kept my hair down to my mid back since I was 18 and washing it on my own in my fatigued state was a dreaded, if not impossible chore). He nodded understandingly, and tied my hair in a pony tail before lopping it all off above the band and handing the bundle of hair to me. I was all of...&$@!? However, remonstrations or regrets are always useless so I sat there clutching my soft silky mane of hair in my hand. Then I went home and showed it to my CEB who suggested I keep it. I put it in the bin.

The hairstyle I have now is much easier to maintain on my own and I no longer go to salons. However, I should digress here to mention that every single time I sit in the bath to wash my hair, I end up vomiting mid wash. Which means clambering out of the tub with my mouth full of vomit so I can spit in the cistern. Note to self: move dustbin next to bathtub. I guess with the growth of my belly, sitting on a stool in a bath means scrunching up my abdominal area and the twins do not like that!

2) this brings me to the next thing I miss: flopping on my belly. That's my default position when I use my laptop. Be it for work or leisure. Now I hardly use my laptop as I can't lay on my belly for more than a min before the squirming by the twins begins in earnest. For work, I end up using a bed tray or a pillow to put my laptop if I am working from home. And then my lower back starts to hurt and I need to lie somewhat on my belly to stretch but I can't, not for long.

3) Fishing. I miss it so bad I feel like weeping on a sunny day. When I wake up to a blazingly hot day, my mind takes me back to those days on a boat, rod in hand, waiting for that tap tap and then the rush of feeling a fish on the other end. I can even hear the singing of my reel as the line peels off, I can smell the sea...if I don't do this pregnancy thing again in a hurry, you know why. I need to be out there. And my fellow anglers' posts on Facebook of their catches as the season begins are salt to an open wound. A reminder of all I cannot have.

Now the only tap tap I feel is from the twins in my belly. They are definitely making their presence felt...sometimes little ticklish feelings but more recently, hard lurches which feels like them flipping or kicking...Or maybe even pulling the umbilical cords. I read that at this stage, they are starting to be aware of each other in the womb. And I only hope they aren't shoving or kicking each other around in there. Four legs in there kicking and four hands and elbows. No wonder I can't ignore them.

So last night, I decided to, for the first time, interact with them actively (unlike my CEB, I don't talk much to them, don't ask me why). When I felt the lurching feeling, I tapped gently against my belly where I the feeling came from. Then I put my hand there and waited. Nothing. Then I recalled reading that babies usually move away from a hand on the belly. So I moved my hand away and a while later, I felt a tap tap back at that spot. Fascinated, I waited for another lurching feeling and then tapped my belly at that spot. And there was a tap tap back a while later. I played with them a couple more times and got the same response ( I decided to stop in case this was too much stimulation).
I think my CEB will have fun in the coming weeks tapping on my belly when their movements can be better felt at skin level. I should remind him again not to rub my belly as it creates a whirlpool for the twins but to gently pat instead.

4) traveling. Bye bye Krisfkyer Gold and Elite/Diamond/platinum hotel memberships. Bye bye free limo rides, using jet quay services, and free access to lounges. Flying for work has been a huge part of my life since 08 and I have not flown since Aug 12. I'm grateful and glad for all the travel I did the past 4 years but it sucks that I can't have all of those again now and in the near future. I will also have to stop those one day jaunts across the causeway to JB very soon because the twins would have reached viability - week 24. This means that unlike before, if they decide to see the world prematurely, the doctors will try to save them. So I need to be in SG to get to medical help in mins if anything goes wrong so as to give them a chance at life, not stuck in a jam on the causeway for hours.

5) a good night's sleep. Unlike the first trimester, I have been having horrible sleepless nights between the insomnia, vomiting (which means getting so hungry in the night and having to get up to make a cup of milk), heartburn (which means getting up to chew my antacids) and peeing. No matter how tired I am, I can't fall asleep or sleep really late as I used to. And when I do, I have the weirdest dreams ever - like watching an enemy have part of his brains fried before his eyes.

6) most of all, more than anything, I miss my appetite and a functioning digestive system. The vomiting and indigestion is killing me. If I am not vomiting, I am struggling not to...that or burping involuntarily so that the acidic stomach juices make their way up slowly and agonizingly from the middle of my chest to my throat. I can't lie on my side without that happening. So I lie on my back and then I recall that it is not good for the twins (it's as if they have a pillow on their faces). This leaves me with no options - not my belly given how they hate that,. So I lie there each night feeling crampy in the digestive tract, feeling each lump of an acidic burp work its way painfully up. It really sucks! And my appetite...don't get me started. I can't eat like I used to and I can live with that...if only I can enjoy what I am eating. I abhor instant noodles now (the smell of the seasoning sickens me), and I can't stand white rice still. I find that I might want a certain food and after I have taken the first bite, it tastes strange. I could have a full fridge full of stuff I picked out and open it the next day and have nothing I want to eat. Nothing.

I do my best to eat healthily for the twins, trying to grow them as best as I can as I know there is a real risk for twins to be born premature. So I pick beef and fish and veg for my meals whenever I have to put anything in. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's all an exercise in futility because it all comes up unpleasantly. But still I persist with the protein stuff - birdnest from my kind mother in law l, chicken essence from my kind mother and maternal milk. These, the twins allow me to keep down.

Now that I have written all this out, I am once again resolved that I am not putting myself through pregnancy again. Not to mention childbirth (the hours of agony, the stitching, the possible ripping of the stitches, and the possibility of my privates being ripped to my anus) and if not being sliced open at least 10cm across my belly through the skin, fats and muscle, oh, and the organ (uterus) too for a c sec.
Then the sleepless nights, 3 hourly feeds, breast pumping (cracked nipples or blisters on the nipples anyone?).

But despite all this, I am beginning to be excited and happy about the twins - the feeling their movements bit and shopping for them. While I still have a few weeks of energy left, I am going to make the best of it to get their nursery settled and be prepared the best I can.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

20 months

Oops, I forgot totally :) This is a backdated post written almost one month later and I only remembered our monthiversary because for the first time in a long time (half year), my CEB fell asleep in my arms and I felt moved enough to start writing about him/us once again.

Maybe I should starting counting down the months left when there are just the 2 of us :)

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Still Team Pink

The follow up scan was for Twin A's lower spine only but I asked the sonographer (a diff lady) to help me take the chance to confirm the genders of both twins again. Not that I thought anything would spout between their legs in one week but I figured since the view of Twin A's lower spine was obscured the last round, it might just be possible that anything between the legs was hidden too.

Well, after careful checking by this sonographer, she proclaimed with utmost certainty that both twins are still girls. And both of them showed off their beautifully shaped spines this time as they were sitting almost side by side. A top down view showed the tops of their heads next to each other (separated by a membrane) but Twin B was again clearly more active as we could see her wriggling away. Still, Twin A must have been up to some maneuvering herself to get from my right hip to the extreme left now.

I asked the sonographer who it was that I could feel fluttering around in me most of the time and she said probably both. Now, the best part about this pregnancy is the pure joy of feeling life inside you, to feel the flutterings of the baby in the womb. I guess I wouldn't be singing the same tune when they can kick harder though.

The worst part is the vomiting. It's ridiculous. I am at week 2* and yesterday while driving to work I vomited all over my blouse, skirt, seatbelt and (hand). For once, no regret lopping my hair short else I would have to wash that off in the office toilet too. And this morning, the twins decided to have another go at it and I found myself throwing up breakfast, and then heaving and gasping till I had to sink to my knees and grasp the bowl. Misery complete with tears pouring down.

My CEB doesn't get how miserable and tiring the pregnancy is with the vomiting. Between you and me, I am half tempted to give him a nasty stomach flu so he has some idea of what it has been like.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Team Blue and/or Pink

I'm almost always asked about the gender of the twins once my pregnancy is disclosed/announced. I didn't have the answer till the detailed scan yesterday. I tried to rely on intuition/mother's instinct since they were in my body and came up with zilch. I spent minutes staring at each of their ultrasound pics to get a "feel" and I just couldn't get a sense of their gender. However, I did recently have a dream, as did my mother-in-law, that both of them were boys. In my dream, I was delighted and clapped my hands when it was confirmed that the first was a boy but when the second was found to be a boy too, I wasn't so happy anymore.

Reflecting on the dream, I have to confess that I did have a preference. Given how I've sworn not to go through another pregnancy given the sufferings wrought by this one, it's obvious that I wanted to have a boy-girl twin combination. A little prince and princess would have me over the moon and looking at the twin pregnancies around me as well as statistical data, I was pretty sure that the odds were stacked in my favor. My next favored combination was a girl-girl one because from my dream, I knew that if this pregnancy turned out to be a boy-boy combination, I would, despite my vows, find some way to try for a little mini-me. Yes, I'm egoistical like that. :P

So before the gender scan, I spent my time trying to guess the gender based on the signs I had.
Severe Morning Sickness: Yes. Girls
Baby's heart rate above 160: Yes for both. Girls
Weight in my hips and rear: No. Hardly showing. Boys
Carrying high: No. Boys
Craving sweets: No. Boys
Craving proteins: Yes. Boys
Looking better than ever: Yes. Boys
Nose spreading: No. Girls

Given the mixed result based on various myths, my belief that I was having my boy-girl combination was reinforced and so I went into the detailed scan with only trepidation that the twins were healthy and normal.

When the sonographer announced that Twin A was a girl, I even expected that given that Twin A had always been the more passive one lying on her back. After taking over 30 shots of Twin A's anatomy and commenting that Twin A was sitting snugly in a comfortable corner of the womb so that a view of her lower spine was obscured, the sonographer moved the wand to Twin B.

My CEB beat me to the question. The sonographer pointed to the hamburger (3 lines) between Twin B's legs and typed XX on the screen. I think I missed out on what she said for the next few minutes because I had trouble grasping the fact that my active little pea pod was also a girl! She is going to be a handful for a little lady! The sonographer even commented that Twin B was active and aggressive, and being on top of Twin A, had dips over where she wanted to settle down. Twin A would get the spot Twin B didn't choose i.e. Twin A had to keep moving away from Twin B as Twin B moved from spot to spot.

Indeed, after I had gone for a 20min break to give the twins a chance to change position and for the sonographer to get a picture of Twin A's lower spine, when we came back, Twin A was all squashed against my right hip (she was in the center at first) while Twin B was reveling in all the extra space she had on top. It was not possible to get a clear picture of Twin A's spine and a re-scan was rescheduled despite my CEB and myself talking to the twins to get them to move.

Their antics aside, both girls are measuring on-track (a wee bit heavier than the suggested 240gm) and are active little critters (maybe it was the sugary bubble tea I had just before the scan). They have moved up significantly from below the belly button to above the belly button (Twin B that is) and although I can still wear my clothes, I have lost the fight not to buy any maternity wear. If I am this size now with each of them at least 240gm, and given that they are expected to each grow to 10 times that weight in the next few months, I'm going to be the size of an elephant, or at least my belly is. Therefore realistically, it is not possible to not buy any maternity clothes at all...and besides, given their gender, maybe, oh maybe, I might have to eat my words about this being my last pregnancy. :P We'll see.

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

1st post of 2013 - how the festive season was spent

When my CEB asked me how we spent Xmas last year, I was stumped. Then I thought of this blog and that I may have written something of sorts (which I did). With my memory (and brain) becoming more addled with the progressing pregnancy, something which they call baby brain, I thought it would be useful to write a quick entry about how 2012's end of the year festive season was spent.

My little sister was still in Vegas so my CEB queued at Swatow restaurant so that we could grab a table for a dim sum Xmas lunch while my family attended church. After that, we had lunch followed by shopping around the neighborhood for my Christmas gift (gold, give me gold!) before we went off to catch the movie Les Miserables. Dinner was at Astons along Katong.

Now, we have ceased our frequent jaunts because of the pregnancy (I'm terrified that something requiring medical attention will happen while I'm abroad so no babymoon or holidays of any sort until this situation is over) and my CEB had been going on about wanting a break so as a concession, we booked a 2D1N hotel stay at the only international 5 star hotel in Johor Bahru - Thistle (which I've reviewed before). Due to unexpected circumstances during our hotel stay, we ended up staying for the New Year Eve Buffet Dinner at Thistle.

The restaurant was nicely decorated (mostly left over Xmas decorations) with party props given to each guest but the spread was pretty limited. I don't really know how popular or good hotel buffets are in JB given the dearth of international hotels but I do know that a buffet dinner at Thistle cannot be compared to a buffet at a 4 star hotel in Singapore like Grand Mercure in terms of variety and taste. To its credit, the buffet included oysters, cold prawns, an entire salted sea bass, a large cooked salmon and heaps of satay as well as several hot dishes (mushrooms with veg, duck etc). There was also a separate room for dessert but the taste, and the quality of the food (don't even start to think international) was wanting.

On the first day of 2013, as my sister had returned after a month's stay in Vegas, we met with my side of the family again for dim sum at Canton-I at Orchard Ion. I loved the Har Kow and Siew Mai while the rest of the family fell on the custard buns and glutinous rice etc. After that it was more shopping along Orchard Road, somewhere and something I haven't done in ages because of the terrible morning sickness.

And talking about morning sickness, I've had a turn for the better at the start of the new year. More dry retching instead of projectile or normal vomiting and I'm getting a belly bump which doesn't make me look like I scarfed one too many cookies (I think!). The energy level is still at 70% of what it was and I know that I have to use this time to start packing and preparing stuff because when it comes to the third trimester, I'm going to be one very miserable fellow again with absolutely no energy and possibly, vomiting again. But right now, it's mostly the indigestion (thank you progesterone) that is killing me - I keep belching (and it hurts) and I start feeling awful the moment I put something in my mouth in the morning. Everything seems to be stuck in the digestive track and I keep getting lots of saliva in my mouth which tastes nasty. So between the low energy, dry retching, spitting and aching digestive tract, I am pretty much wiped out daily.

As for the twins, one can tell from the grab screen shot of the recent whatsapp convo I had with my CEB (who is who, is pretty easy to figure out) that they are THE topic of conversation. My CEB conducts nightly discussions with them (that really surprised me but I guess it would help if they learn to recognize his voice) and we are just waiting for him to be able to feel them kick.

I can't feel their kicks either (it could be because the placenta is to the front or due to how far inside my body they are, which might explain the lower backache) now but I can definitely feel them in me, especially when I lay on my tummy. That, they absolutely do not like and make it clear because I can feel them squirming madly away whenever I try to do so. Other than that, they make themselves felt mostly in the night when I am propped up in bed - I can feel them moving. Assuming that they have not moved positions much, then Twin B is getting in on the action too.

I'm enjoying these little movements because I know in the weeks to come, they are going to be kicking hard, and sometimes in the wrong places. A foot in the ribs or on the bladder can be painful or have nasty consequences. No wonder my mother told me to buy those waterproof pants (I think I really need to given that coughing and vomiting have each resulted in unpleasant results. Ah hem. ).

Not too sure how long I can put off buying maternity clothing - hopefully the 2 Bellabands will arrive soon because my jeans can no longer button up with the baby bump. Guess I need to start documenting the pregnancy's progress better given that I am able to stay functional a little longer now. All of the twins' past ultrasound pics are stuffed in an envelope although I have an album in the cupboard meant for these. Ah body, if only you would just cooperate.