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Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Head versus heart

I like to think I am ruled by my head rather than my heart, by logic than pure emotion.

But what I like to think I am, and who I really am, well, they aren't always the same.

I have a work trip coming up to USA, business class and all, decent hotels and I am so tempted to bring 1 of the twins. However, I am just not up to the challenge of jet lag, mid noon naps, milk bottles and feeding for an hour. So my mind is saying, no, let's not bother but my heart is loathe to separate from my child. It's less than a month away, this upcoming trip, and I still haven't thought it through.

Another issue I need to decide on is My Precious. That's my car. I've driven it for 7 coming onto 8 years now, and it's in really good shape despite having me taken it places like the rough windy roads along the coast of Malaysia for my fishing trips. It hasn't let me down and despite being seriously tempted at least twice, I haven't parted with my tin can yet. Largely to do with the cost of having a car in Singapore - the same model now cost double what it cost me then so I'm only losing 5K a year on this car. And I know a car is not a necessity and is a liability, unlike my house. The question is of course, what I will be replacing this with. I know it's going to be a 7 seater because I'm thinking already of nice little short trips with the twins and a maid across the causeway. And of course, again it's a question of which. Will I be practical or go with my heart?

Going with my heart hasn't led me anywhere good. Going with my mind has served me better, if I recall.

Talking about heart, it's funny how I thought I love the twins so much when they were born but as they grow, I love them even more. I suppose Twin A loves me back in her own way, which is silently, but Twin B is so expressive about it. She holds my face in both hands and says "oh mama" with so much love in her sweet little voice. Sometimes she says spontaneously "Happy Birthday mama" or "wo ai ni", or lays her little face on my shoulder, arms around my neck. I kiss her belly button to hear her laugh, and I marvel at every inch of her. If I wanted to arrest time then with her, I want even more time with her now.