One minute for yourself - Spencer Johnson

I'm not sure why I left this book untouched (despite renewing it once) until the due date was over - maybe I was distracted by other fiction books along the way, and even, freakconomics, or probably that I have been travelling out of the country the past 2 weekends. In any case, I managed to finish this book a couple of days ago.

The Slog Reviews: 10/10. The book isn't thick, is easy to read and understand and gives one hope that things can be turned around with a few tricks. The cynics will scoff that it is far too simplistic but I'll say that unless they've tried the few tricks, they shouldn't be so quick to write off the book. The author is the one who wrote Peaks & Valleys and Who moved my cheese which I'd reviewed earlier.

Here are some extracts which I thought was worth writing down and referring back to once in a while, esp when one is down and out.

1) Finding your inner success is the best, easiest, and in fact, the only way to achieve and enjoy everything else in life.

2) Workaholics think they are happy. That's because they kid themselves. Workaholics in fact, lose themselves in their work so that they never have to look at themselves. Other people do this by filling their life with activities. They confuse activity is productivity. The deception is they think they are accomplishing a lot because they are busy. In reality, they never deal with what's important.

3) In 1 quiet minute with myself, I can first become aware of what I am doing and then I can choose to see a better way. I simply stop and quietly ask "Is there a better way right now for me to take good care of Me?" Just stopping and looking prevents you from running into something and hurting yourself. I stop, look, and see that I have a choice: to proceed ahead, or change directions, or do whatever I see is best for me. The truth is we each know what is best, if we will stop long enough to see it.

4) It doesn't matter what I do. It's the little things that make a big difference. 1 thing I do when I feel rushed, overwhelmed and lose my perspective is to ask myself another simple question "Ten years from now, how much difference is this going to make?" Another thing I do for myself is to laugh at myself and with myself. Other than the little things, there is something more important - I treat myself the way I want others to treat me.

5) ...So I avoid setting myself up wiht rigid expectations and comparing me to what I think ought to be. Now I simply appreciate what happens instead of comparing it to what I think ought to happen. I've learnt that my personal pain comes from the difference between what is happening and what I think ought to be happening. Letting go of what I think is missing from the fantasy and appreciating what is already good about the reality.

6) I take care of me by looking at what I want versus what I need. A need is something we require for our well being a want is something we hope will make us happy. I feel successful when I get what I want but I feel happy when I want what I get. Again, I see things more clearly when I stop and look at what I am pursuing. We can never never get enough of what we don't need eg money.

7) How do you know what you need? By spending time lokoing at what really makes me happy. When I take a min to ask "Do I really need what I am chasing?" Also, never look at where you don't want to go.

8) A quick way to reduce stress is to uncomplicate life - cut away more and more until I find the core of what makes me happy. Play is for the body what a good attitude is for the mind.

9) Attitude is the name of the game. How you look at life is the single best way to take care of yourself. You have a perspective that either beats you up or builds you up. And we can choose our attitudes. In one minute you can change your attitude and in that minute, you can change your entire day.

10)...It seems there are really only 2 basic emotions in life. Love (positive) and Fear (negative) . One is the absence of the other. Another way of taking care of myself is by giving away part of my time and my money because when I give away some of my money or my time, it reminds me that I am not afraid. I believe I will always have enough to share with others.

11) One of the best ways you can help other people is to encourage them to take better care of themselves and to reward them when they do.

12) You can get some very important needs met in a relationship - like romance and tenderness and belonging. But you cannot get your primary needs met - like becoming happier. You must do that yourelf. The min any of us looks to a relationship to satisfy our basic needs, we begin to experience pain. And we believe it's the other person's fault. When I feel no one else is nurturing me, I nuture myself by doing some silly little thing for myself that makes me feel good. The point is, I don't ask someone else to nuture me all the time. I do what I can myself. I also nuture myself by creating a beautiful environment because my environment affects me. But I nuture myself most when I create a beautiful internal environment - even more important than my being loved is loving.

13) The truth is, people are eventually going to do what they want to do anyway. so why kid ourselves. If you give up and do what the other person wants against our own best interests, sooner or later, you are going to become resentful. And then it is only a qn of time before you, consciously or subconsciously find a way to get back at the other person. ... should communicate and negotiate to help both of us get what we want. The whole idea is first to feel good yourself - even if it doesn't totally please the other person at the moment. And then, as you feel happy and peaceful, go on to feel good about the other person. And the important thing is, when you feel good about the other person, show it. It will be in their best interests. And that is what they are interested in.

14) The key to a good relationship is balance. That means we don't insist the other person be thinking of us all the time. The key is to hae a great relationship with yourself first. Start by liking yourself, with small steps. Only when you stop doing what doesn't work can things get better.

15) Getting in touch with our best self (that part of us that knows what we need) is like giving ourselves the perfect hug. We can have a wonderful relationship together when I have one with me and you have one with you. One good way of taking care of yourself is not to run away from yourself. We can help ourselves and each other by askin g"HAve u hugged yourself today"